DEBORAH ROSS: I will forever be haunted by a divorcee Linda Robson dressed as a queen

Official figures show that 7.5 million watched the BBC show Trooping the Color – almost twice as many viewers as the second most watched show on Thursday, ITV’s Coronation Street with 3.8 million.

According to the rating agency BARB, 5 million were involved in the lighting of the jubilee lighthouses on Thursday, while 3.6 million saw the Thanksgiving Service in St. Paul on Friday.

The documentary Crown Jewels attracted 3.1 million viewers on Friday, compared to 4.3 million for ITV’s Britain’s Got Talent.

The challenge was to watch the jubilee TV report and report. So I did, finally blinking in the light many hours later, exhausted, my mind buzzing.

Were Charles and Camilla actually in EastEnders? Was Gloria Hunniford everywhere? Can Kirsty Young present everything from now on?

I only know for sure that if I had a pound every time someone said, ‘Say what you like in this country, we know how to do a show’, I would be really rich. And there would be Dubonnets everywhere.

The BBC was the first to come out of the gate with a special edition of that hug show, The Repair Shop.

Linda Robson with a scarf at the jubilee special for women

Linda Robson with a scarf at the jubilee special for women

It contained items with royal embroidery. The main Beefeater in London Tower even drove a truck in full regalia with a 103-year-old brass lantern lit by a single candle still used every night to lock the Tower. He had a broken handle and broken glass, and it was nice to see him fix it, even if it occurred to you as much as it occurred to me: shouldn’t Buckingham Palace have taken care of it? And also: shall we just gather a torch for the poor man?

The next morning it was Trooping the Color.

Kirsty Young is the host of the BBC, which covers the platinum jubilee

Kirsty Young is the host of the BBC, which covers the platinum jubilee

The BBC stated this openly, taking into account that his reporting on the Diamond Jubilee was condemned as “rudeness led by celebrities”. (All I can think of is the grim-faced queen on the barge in monstrous weather as Ferne Cotton scurried around).

This marked the (incredibly welcome) return of Kirsty Young after a period of illness. She was calm, professional, soothing, ignored noisy ducks, and always seemed interested in the anecdotes of her guests even if they pulled them out a thousand times.

Her first guests were Sir Michael Palin and Ladies Penelope Keith. Sky News bravely retaliated with Ladies Joanna Lumley, while GB News had ‘Alastair Stewart and Friends’ – even if he seemed to have only one friend, historian David Starkey.

Huw Edwards commented on the BBC, while GB News sometimes lost the plot (‘There will be marches and further music … we’re a little on sixes and weeks)’.

On ITV at lunchtime, it was Loose Women with panelists wearing the Queen’s ‘iconic look’, which may be something I’ll never be able to erase from my mind, no matter how hard I try.

Maybe Linda Robson in a tied scarf under his chin and Gloria Hunniford in yellow will haunt me for an eternity.

Meanwhile, the BBC One Show later had Gyles Brandret in a corgi sweater, while host Alex Jones made the official jubilee little thing under the watchful eye of Lady Mary Berry.

What a pudding it is. I was willing for Jones to say, ‘Mary, can’t we just repeat Coronation Chicken? Mayonnaise, curry powder, and Bob is your uncle?

Next on the BBC, EastEnders. I can’t say what was going on in the plot because I haven’t watched since Dan handed Angie the divorce papers, but I can tell you that Sharon is still there and seems to have superpowers that allow her to eavesdrop on the right side of the square.

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall in Albert Square during the BBC soap opera Eastenders.  She takes a purple ribbon and ties it around a tree in memory of Chantelle, who suffered months of abuse by her husband Gray Atkins in soap

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall in Albert Square during the BBC soap opera Eastenders. She takes a purple ribbon and ties it around a tree in memory of Chantelle, who suffered months of abuse by her husband Gray Atkins in soap

The visit of Camille and Charles was not written, and the agreement was that the cast would respond with character to whatever the royal members said. It was all a little creepy and led to some weird exchanges. At the lighthouse lighting, where Kirsty Young was joined in various ways by Gloria Hunniford (‘I don’t think any other country could do what we’re doing this weekend’) and singer Elaine Paige (‘pomp and luxury, we‘ best at it ’) .

David Dimbleby followed the Thanksgiving Service at St. Paul’s Cathedral for the BBC, with a lot of knowledge that is easy to carry, although he was right when he said that the Queen wanted to give Meghan and Harry “her procession”?

While meeting Walford residents, Charles meets greengrocer Martin Fowler (pictured together), played by James Bye, who explains the history of his market that dates back to generations in his family who lived in the Square.

While meeting Walford residents, Charles meets greengrocer Martin Fowler (pictured together), played by James Bye, who explains the history of his market that dates back to generations in his family who lived in the Square.

Didn’t it seem that they were simply kept separate, in order to avoid any cold interactions with other members of the royal family?

Then in the evening he returned to the Tower of London while Clive Myrie looked closely at the crown jewels and could not decide whether they were an acceptable part of our history or were looted war booty.

Either way, there are diamonds as big as your fist that are truly priceless and have made you wonder: One old guy with one candle surely locks up all the treasures at night? Come on, let’s get him a torch.

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